Thursday, September 15, 2011

For New Moms

As part of writing prompts, I will try to impart some wisdom about being a mother. As with all unsolicited advice, it's worth what you paid for it.
1) Your children will almost NEVER look this good. This happens only on picture day and it is a brief shining moment to be cherished. Can't get her to smile? Go with it. She's not screaming and her hair is combed. Lower your perfection standards before you make yourself and your children crazy.
2) Toddlers ar NOT terminal. This phase will end. They will grow out of whatever is making you the most insane this week into something else next week. As a side note, having raised teenagers and toddlers at the same time, here are some things they share. Toddlers and Teenagers believe that the sun rises and sets on them. It's all about them and everything is the end of the world. They want what they want when they want it and they fully expect you to deliver it. And last, almost everything can be fixed with food or a nap.
3) Boys and girls are different, and not just because of their plumbing. A girl will climb up the furniture and then climb down. A boy will climb up the furniture and then jump off.

4) You don't make all of the mistakes with your first child. You usually spread them out amongst all your offspring, so they can all tell you..."you are the meanest mom, EVER!"
5) Don't let little things be a big deal. Just face the facts, if you have small children in your home, you should not have nice things. They will break them, smash them, hide them, eat them, you get the picture. Embrace the fact that they will use markers on the wall. Instead of losing it, and insanely scrubbing the wall with WD-40 (yes it removes it), pretend you are an art critic and tell them to add more purple.
6)To all of you peace loving moms out there. I applaud your decision not to give your sons weapons of mass destruction. Take a firm stand and don't allow any play guns into your home. But don't come crying to me when your toddler son has appropriated his sisters barbie and when cocking her leg he makes her head pop off as the bullet. My only advice? Find the boy a stick.
7)Laughing is always better than crying.

8) If you start young enough, they will think washing the dishes and vacuuming are fun. You have to make it look fun first. Just like Tom Sawyer when he was "whitewashing" the fence.
9) Count on their father to share some of the "joy". After all he is responsible for getting you into this mess.
10) Make time for some "me" time. That is not a euphenism about time with just you and your child. This is time that is all about you and you alone. Do a little shopping therapy. See a chick flick with a friend. Get a massage. A happy, relaxed mother has more to give to her family.


Georgia said...

Such good advice, Lisa! Where were you with this list 27 years ago when I really could have used your wisdom!?

Georgia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyn & Co. said...

Great advice! I especially liike #9 and am pretty sure it was my main go to as a new mom.

Thanks for the laugh, I was giggling and nodding along the whole list through. Laughing is always better.

Visiting from Mama Kat's

Cam - Bibs and Baubles said...

great advice. number two cracks me up! I'm in that stage now. It's something else.

Morgan said...

Great advice ... I especially love #3.

Visiting from Mama Kat's :)

jeannine said...

Great post... you are so wise! I bet you learned everything you know "in the Navy", right?