Saturday, January 4, 2014

Socks prove there is an alternate universe...

I don't really know why I have a "love-hate" relationship with socks. I rarely want to wear them. I find them tedious and not very bright. I must have been scared by socks in my early childhood. I have come to grudgingly agree that they are a necessary evil. I have gone so far to brave the first two inches of early winter snow with my sandals on because then I don't have to deal with socks. So for Christmas, this year like every other year, I needed socks.

I stopped matching socks many years ago when I had three teenage daughters at home. They did not have the most discriminating taste so if they found one to put on their left foot and another to put on their right then they called it a match and out the door they went. The year they all got white socks with different toe stitching they were disappointed because all the tops of their socks looked the same, even if the toe colors were mismatched.
Socks are just sneaky. You put 6 beautifully matched, complete pairs of socks into the dryer and out will come, if you are lucky 5 matched pairs, one random sock and 1/2 of another match. In my humble opinion not enough research has been placed on locating missing socks. Where do they go? My laundry room has a limited boundary of 36 square feet. Not much real estate in which to have socks come up missing.
I tried any number of solutions. I only permitted complete pairs of socks to escape the washroom, others were placed in a holding basket, a virtual guantanamo bay where they languished waiting for a match. To this day, I have soldiers in that basket, their mates have never appeared.
So I'm left with 2 conclusions, either someone in my house wears socks dirty or clean with very little distinction between the two....or...there is an alternate universe where single socks go to party. They must slip out after dark and use some underground railroad with safe houses every so many miles. Maybe I should "chip" one of my socks so it will be returned to me if it ever goes astray like missing pets. Now if I could just figure out which one is going to make a run for it.....

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