Thursday, October 13, 2011

10 things...

I'm following writing prompt and posting fall pictures. So here goes.
On my list of 10 things to never ask your husband....Number ONE has to be, "Do these pants make me look FAT?" Seriously, he's not a bathroom scale. And any husband with any experiance knows there is no way to fight himself out of the corner you just put him in. There is no way to answer that question and come out on top and be your hero, and that is what every man in your life wants to be. So ladies, if you put on a pair of pants and notice one more bulge than was there before and there is so much tension on the button it is about to become an UFO, the pants are too tight and they make you look fat. Enough said.
....Number TWO, "Should I have a breast reduction?" If you just like to have conversation with your spouse, this is a great starter. But I can bet you alot of money that even if you wheel the "girls" around in a wheel barrel, it's still okay with him. The breasts are yours, do what you want with them.
....Number THREE, "Did you notice my haircut?" Again, you have forced the hero into an impossible corner from which he can not return. Truthfully, he's still checking out the wheelbarrel and has no idea whether you have hair or not. Seriously, ask your spouse this question once a week, it will really mess with his head. You don't even have to cut your hair. Just start any sentence with "Well, are you going to notice?" and he will start listing every noun that he associates with shoes? new dress? new haircut? dinner?

...Number FOUR, "What color should we paint the (insert noun here)?" He doesn't care now, he won't care then, he only moans because he knows he will be the one wielding the paint brush. In my husbands defense, I do consider interior house paint a form of insulation. (the more coats the better) I'm also easily bored and have changed up the walls in each room of our home multiple times.
....Number FIVE, "Is there enough money to (insert brilliant vacation, purchasing idea here)?" It is usually difficult to part a man from his money. Especially if he's never dreamed of Paris or China or actually leaving the state. I often tease my husband that he could be content in front of a football game on television. He wouldn't even notice the house burning down around him as long as it didn't interrupt the signal to the television.
.....Number SIX, "What do you think I want to do?" I play this one whenever I'm feeling snarky. It's also a no-win situation and highly unfair. But it can be fun. So that's it. You add the next FOUR in the comments. And remember he wasn't a lemon when you picked him from the show room floor. You picked him for a reason, remember that reason and have a nice cold glass of lemonade.

And don't forget to visit for more lists.

1 comment:

Tara said...

Funny! I like the suggestions on how to mess with him - I might have to try them! My question to add is: "Well, was it always bent that way?" That's a fun way to mess with him.